Are You Ready to Move Out of Your Parents' House?
Hey there! It’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything, partially having to do with the uncertainty of where and what direction I want my blog to go, but that may be another story to tell about down the line.
In the past few months, several big changes happened. I traveled to San Francisco to visit some family, Las Vegas to bond with my friends, completed my first presentation at work, and moved into a new apartment. All of this was occurring around the same time. I was stressed out, so much so that you could noticeably see the white hairs forming at the top of my head.
When I was moving out of my old place and into the new, I had a conversation with one of my best friends about the mentality it takes to move out of your parents’ home, which was something I never really thought about because I’ve always considered myself as an independent person. At a very young age, I wanted to do things on my own, but because of my traditional Asian parents who wanted me to go down the stereotypical path, they restricted me from doing anything I wanted that they deemed was “wrong” for my future. And, because of that, we got into many heated arguments throughout my childhood. I felt trapped and controlled. But, when I moved to San Diego for college, I felt a sense of freedom that I could be myself, no longer this little girl who had to be obedient or else, a disappointment. It wasn’t until later on I understood that they did what they did was so that I could have a better future than they did. They didn’t want me to suffer through poverty or work long intensive hours on the daily. They did it based on what they knew to protect me and out of love, and for that, I am grateful.
Aside from me, a majority of my friends still live with their parents, whether they depend on them or not, and that’s fine, too. Eventually, a time will come when they do decide to move out, but will they be ready to move out of their parents’ house?
Here are some things to think about to decide if you are ready to move out:
1. Are your finances ready for you to move out?
This is the most important factor to consider when you decide to move out. If you don’t have your finances straightened out, you could end up back to your parents’ house in a matter of months.
I had an ex who didn’t think about this long term. Because he was too excited about moving out with his friends and gaining that independence, he failed to realize that he couldn’t afford it down the line. He had more expenses to pay than income flowing in, and eventually that caught up to him. He ended up maxing out his credit cards and depleting his savings. I saw him struggle and he let his frustration out on me, which affected our relationship a lot.
Anyways, you want to avoid ending up in a situation like his. So, you want to plan it out and do the math. Write down your current expenses along with your future expenses. How much will rent be when you in your new place? Any inflation to factor in? Other expenses your parents expect you to pay when you’re out on your own?
Hopefully, your income is sufficient enough to pay your expenses and live off of what’s leftover. A general rule of thumb is housing should consume about 30% of your monthly income, but I would take this rule with a grain of salt. Tailor the rule to your personal financial goals that make sense because everyone’s goals are different. My old place in Santa Monica ate up 32% of my income, but because I’m young, I want to save as much as possible. So, part of the reason I moved was so I could save more, and now my rent consumption is now down to 26%. If I could, I would actually stay with my parents because I think it’s a financially sound decision to not have to pay rent at all. I’d save so much money, but because of my circumstances, I had to move out.
Before deciding if you are ready to move out of your parents’ house, you should consider looking into your finances.
2. Are your emotions ready for you to move out?
If you’re deciding whether you should move out, you may want to consider not only what you may feel but also your parents’. You may feel the good things, excitement to finally gain your independence and adventurous of a new area to explore, but also the bad things, anxiety from moving on from your old life that you’ve known forever and being overwhelmed with having to do things on your own. On the other hand, your parents may feel empty nest syndrome and worrisome of you being out on your own. We felt all these things.
This is part of starting that next chapter in your life and acceptance of what you’re feeling in that moment is the first step to overcoming those feelings. My parents and I had a taste of this when I moved away to San Diego for college. I was excited and anxious about starting a new life, away from my family and friends, while my parents were sad that I had to be away from them. The 18+ years of the same habits and routines they were accustomed to is now being shaken up. There would be no more of my dad waking me up every morning with, “Bé, time to get up.” Change is scary, but sometimes necessary. It just takes some time to get use to the new change. It actually improved our relationship when I moved out because I had my space, and it allowed me to miss and appreciate them. Instead of arguments, we have weekly phone calls to update each other on our lives. It has helped my family become closer.
3. Is your mentality ready for you to move out?
Being on your own can be a very overwhelming transition, and it’s much more different than dorming with your college friends because they may now be scattered post-college and you have a job on your plate, at least that’s my situation.
I moved away on my own to a completely new city, not knowing anyone and having to take care of myself. I have the responsibility of a job, paying my bills, doing the chores, cooking for myself, and running my own errands. All of this may happen to you at once when you move out.
It’s definitely not easy to go from dependent to independent in one swift moment, but maybe it is time to learn how to do things for yourself. Give yourself a break and time to relax when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Sooner or later, you’ll start to feel that you can adult.
4. Sometimes it’s just circumstantial
There are those who get to choose if and when they want to move out, and having that option is lucky. I unfortunately did not get to have that option. Because of my dad’s governmental support for housing, living at home, for me as a postgrad with a job, meant having to contribute to the family household’s income and completely disqualifying my dad for housing support, making our finances much harder for us to handle. It didn’t matter whether I was prepared or not, I had to move out to prevent any more financial burdens on the family.
Luckily, I would say I’m able to handle this phase of adulting. Although there are challenging times, it helps to stay connected with family and friends, and think on the positive side that whatever bad is happening, it is just temporarily.
Thanks for reading! I hope this post helps you make things clearer when it comes to deciding whether or not you are ready to move out of your parent’s house. If you are moving out in the near future, I hope your transition to living off on your own and adulting is smooth. If it’s not, just know that you’ll be able to overcome it. I wonder was on your mind when you first moved out of your parents’ house? Comment below!